False Alarms/ my letter to Emma

Well here we are just rapidly approaching our next D day (not due date although at this point thats not far off either). These few weeks have simply flown by and each passing day (with no real sign of Emma) has been bittersweet.  (While I appreciate the asking no they will not induce me and they will certainly not change his D date) We have has several close calls and some pretty serious contractions almost every night but alas no baby girl yet. Im trying so hard to keep it together and be strong for myself, for Emma and for Riley but its so hard not to breakdown. I want to scream about how unfair it is that we have to go through this, especially after just having gone through 6 months apart. I want to curl up in a ball and cry till I run out of tears. But instead i have to keep telling myself we were given this life because we can handle it, and we've overcome so many challanges so far that we will just keep getting stronger and stronger.

I decided since there is a pretty good chance at this point Emma will be waiting quite some time to meet her daddy I wanted to write something down I could read to her and we could smile and laugh about until we get to be a "real" family all together again.

My dear sweet little Emma,

Every night since your daddy got home we have been waiting for you to come and meet us. We both our so ready to hold you in our arms. Especially your daddy cause he was a little scared about touching you in my belly. But it seems, you must be alot like your daddy and you want to make us wait, so it will be a while till you get to meet him. You probably wont even realize it but I think about it all the time.  I promise you though, hes worth the wait.

Your daddy is an amazingly strong man who takes such good care of me and already takes such good care of you too. He helped mommy get everything ready for you. In the short time he was here, he made plenty of late night runs for ice cream and red velvet cake. He put together the swing you swing in, the bouncer you bounce in and carriage you ride around in. He helped mommy do so much to get the house ready for you.

My favorite thing about your daddy is how much he can make me laugh and how in the saddest of times he always manages to bring a smile back to my face. Hes wiped my tears, told me funny stories and always reminds me that everything will be ok. Im sure as you grow, he will do the same for  you. I promise to show you lots of pictures and tell you lots of stories, especially at bedtime so we can dream of him.

So for now its just me, you and your fur-brothers but trust me, we will be counting the days until your daddy is back home and we can make new memories together, but until then I wanted have something we could turn back to and look at, read, and remember to smile. We just have to remember its not his fault he cant be here. He has to go work somewhere else because hes just so good at what he does, but when its over he will comeback to us, forever this time.

We both love you so much already sweet Emma, and I want you to remember: your daddy is my hero, my strength, and my best friend, and I hope someday he is yours too.