Less than 1 month...

I should be jumping for joy at how close we are getting.. but my snow free halloween was a big crappy mess and november didnt kick in too well either.. The days are dragging and the furbabies are not helping. Friday night i realized teddy must have brought fleas into the house and all three were infected. Saturday I spent about 7-8 hours vacuuming, doing 5 loads of laundry, stripping the beds and cleaning the matresses and allll the furniture. Sat night i had to drop teddy off for his flea bath ($$$) and do the two kitties by hand. let me tell you good thing riley isnt home cause between the dog and cats im covered in bruises and cuts/ scratches.  (though i wish he was here to help). I was beyond tired and barely got to talk to my oh so lovely boyfriend who hurt his ankle...

Sunday morning i woke up and teddy had peed in his crate. As if the smell and mess wasnt bad enough after i justttt cleaned everything... i was so frazzled i accidently used CLR instead of the pet carpet cleaner (both yellow bottles) to clean it and now it needs to be red-done. Later that day we go to pet class where teddy peeed all over the christmas display, got demoted back to basics and now we are the proud owner of a gentle leader- my saving grace, though a pain to put on!! We walked out later and lets just say teddy made a mess all over the parking lot. so we decided to check with the vets... An hour and $$$$ later teddy now has a viral intestinal issue, needs special food, and is on to Rxs. THIS IS WHY IM NOT A DOG PERSON. Finally today we stopped having accidents but i have to keep giving him his medicine. Later that day the kittties escaped from iso so i now have to retreat everything tomorrow and since they are still itching restreat them as well.

Needless to say im stressed out of my mind and cant handle too much more of this on my own. Dont confuse my stress for "needyness" please because clearly ive done it all. Ive made it through 5 months of hell and counting.. but sometimes a girl just needs a little moral support ya know? :/

Today, Ive also learned that there are some things about these past 5 months that may haunt me for a long time. Things I dont like to think about or be reminded about. I dont know if talking about it would help at all.. id like to hope so. I just hope the next year is great enough to atleas push all the bad memories to the far back of my mind. wow well thats the most negative ive been on here in a while so ill throw some positive out there..

Ive had a great time and great support from my girls down here. Im excited to keep meeting knew people. Ive enjoyed all the little things like cooking together, shopping and making surprises for our men. I really dont know what I would do with out them. Its been really great to have people who know EXACTLY how you are feeling and what you are going through. Dont get me wrong I love dearly and miss all my friends from home and they always have and im sure always will be super supportive and caring. but dealing with deployment is truely a unique situation. So ladies, thank you!

Ive also gotten to enjoy several things since my last post. As mentioned leaving el sal sucked but ive certainly tried to keep busy. I got to spend a weekend with my god parents and ashley which was awesome. Drinks on the river and seeing dolphins in the river. Some great food and great laughs. I got to go to my first jaguars game which was totally free and oh so much fun. I will post pictures tonight! Weve been able to get together for other homecoming deployment related things such as our first meeting of the homecoming committee. Im excited to get to work on that stuff to make it seem real! Fingers crossed pending final paperwork we have a new house in middleburg (rental for now) that i love and cant wait to make it our home!

In closing, (boy this was a long one and trust me i couldve gone on forever) I hope the next time the calender says "1" I will no longer be a loner. that is all <3

All the way from El Salvador

So here we are, just about 4 months down, 2 to go for this deployment. I must say I never thought I would reach the level of ease that I have. There are some days where I will cry for no reason, cry over something patriotic or cry just because I dont know what else to do but there are also alot more smiles then there were even two months ago. Now this could be because I am currently in El Salvador and although we have done a whole lot of nothing because of the flight schedule getting to lay  around together and talk and re-connect has absolutely re-assured me of my love for him and our love for each other. The night before the trip as i was finsihing up on all the last minute stuff, after rushing to get teddy to poochies in time, we hit a power outage during a really bad storm. I sat there in the dark with rediculous thunder and lightning scaring me out of my mind. My phone and ipod ofcourse were not charged, Needless to say between the fear of not waking up and the never ending storm I did not sleep well. The traveling was tedious and Im dreading 5 hours in Dallas on saturday but it was all worth it. Our reunion was less then grand. I landed in an airport with no power struggled my way through customs and immigrations and ran out in the rain to be hurried onto the shuttle with him and the entire crew from my flight. I didnt even get to give him a hug or a kiss till we got back to the hotel. Nothing spectacular but still something I will always remember. Even if homecoming is nothing more then that, I will still be the happiest girl on earth.

Leaving here is going to stick alot. Nothing hurts more then another goodbye, but nothing will be as great as that welcome home will be. As I sit here alone, not allowed to leave the hotel in this strange country, I am already mentally preparing myself for all that will come in the next 2 months. And all the craziness that will come. The rest of my deployment will be filled with teddy training, house hunting, cleaning, packing, preparing for our road trip to see all our loved ones. I also have the lovely mpre, beach trips, kayaking and a football game coming up shortly. Then once he gets home it will be a solid month of craziness: homecoming, moving, our first holiday away from home, and our epic road trip home come leave time. Im so happy for all we have to look forward to together and all we have coming up together that we can share. I never thought I would be able to say I love my life during deployment but its pretty close to that. Getting to spend time with my new friends, and see jared neiman and brad paisley also another plus :)

Not much else to report as of now: teddy just turned 1, still waiting on test result, but riley is finally officially getting his aircrew wings! Alissa is off at bootcamp and will be graduating right around homecoming. Two of my nearest and dearest friends were just married and made beautiful brides. I wish I could have been there for both! Still it was great to spend time with my friends and reconnect with others. Ive enjoyed all my travel over this depoloyment to see new place, meet new people. and spend time with those I love but even just with furbabies traveling is stresssful so I will be staying up until deployment is over! Hopefully next post Ill have some el sal pictures to put up!

Pushing the half way point!!!!

So Ive slacked since my last post.

Bar exam= OVER and Im slowly adjusting to having a life again. Tonight I finally started scrapbooking again and re-organizing all my stuff! I found pages i made to start a full size scrapbook of us and it made me so happy :) Tonight I also started cleaning the gust quarters because vistors season begins in one week! I feel like I could clean everyday and never keep up with this place. oh you furbabies! They do keep me busy though.

I think I actually severely struggled adjusting to life with out studying everyday. As much as I hated it, it distracted me from deployment more then I realized. If we couldnt talk then I through myself into studies. Then all of a sudden I didn't know what to do! I had a rough week or so especially with news of the contract extension. I really felt overwhelemed and concerned with everything.. blah. But Im finally feeling good again and boy do I hope it lasts! Reading scrapbooking, working at the shelter and finally getting back to the gym! All things that really help boost my spirits.  Especially the shelter. I love getting to help out, and share love with the animals who dont have a sweet home yet and hopefully help find them one. I already have favorites but its crazy to thnk by tomorrow they could be gone!I know I have alot of other things to look forward to but homecoming is still always not in the back of my mind but right there in the front. Everyday I think atleast once I just hope Im able to get on base or I will be heartbroken. additionally, i need to avoid the surprise homecoming show!!!

I cant say it enough how grateful I am for how supportive riley has been. Especially in the past week ive noticed just how strong are relationship is and it is one of the best feelings in the world. Nothing beats waking up to a cute or silly text message, or signing on to skype and seeing his handsome smiling face.

Thats all for now, a long updat to follow. hopefully including plans for the over the hump party! woohoo

almost 1/3 there!

Finally I can post about 80% happiness (given the approaching bar exam)!

Life seems to be stabilizing down here. After a rough patch there has been wonderful skype dates, another wonderful surprise and lots of busy-ness!

My love surprised me with a kindle in the cutest pink case (almost as cute as the giraffe)! I am in love and will surely read tons and tons of books on there once this dreaded exam is over! The exam is my main source of stress at this point so ill take it. I really do consider myself quite lucky though.  I love my surprises, not because he buys me things  but because its something else that shows hes thinking of me and he knows me (and my love for reading). Deployment sucks but sometimes he really just makes it all feel ok.

As the title says we are almost 1/3 of the way through and hopefully it should fly up until the half way point between the bar, mass, and vaca! Before we know it ill be able to go start looking at houses for us. exciting :)

As for the other busy-ness things I've just about wrapped up battle cockroach but boy did i find theee biggest roach ever. were talking movie style!! dead under the scale in the guest bathroom! good thing i started my cleaning now before the string of company gets here! And lovely teddy has mange and a double ear infection.. oh teds you always keep me on my toes!! He is HUGE and Im so sick of the who's walking who and oh hes bigger then you comments! YEAHH i know!!! Oh an rileys car died again but hey what can you do. If what doesnt kill you makes you stronger, I am going to be a woman of steel 4 months from now!

Now to end on a happier note I cant wait for free time so i can SCRAPBOOK! I have thousands of pictures and tons of occasions to work on! yay i'm hoping I can get a group together! Just to be able and explore and enjoy my new home more will be great too. :) Finally being able to appreciate the sunshine state!

Well thats all for now. back to the golden girls and a well deserved cup of wine!

I love you Riley Maurice and I can wait to smother you with hugs and kisses <3 <3

Thats what I'm doin' these days

Well here we are. tomorrow marks 5 weeks down. Tuesday was 4 weeks until the big test. We just had our first real cant talk for multiple days experience and it was quite unpleasant. Never knowing when your going to get to talk again sucks. Right now Im so over deployment, cause once again were not getting to talk. I think thats the most frustrating feeling. I could send him a million messages but unless he takes the chance to check, it means nothing :/

I did get a cute surprise last week that i loved though. I would post a pic but not sure how to get pics on here from my ipod!

I wanted to distract myself with a trip to the dog park but we have now officially reached afternoon thunderstorm season! We did get to go the other day andd got ice cream to celebrate his graduation form intermediate class! sometimes he still kills me though. As mad as I get I look into his pathetic eyes, and i forgive him. just like his daddy. (i swear he taught him to do that) Instead I guess Ill do some extra studying today to get ahead for the weekend perhaps. Looking forward to some much neeeded time with my battle buddy Ashley! Preferably some sun. For someone thats lived in Florida for 2 months in the summer. Im still soo pale. Damn you bar exam!

In other news I've slowly began to realize things that  say "i'm not in new england anymore!"
-I saw my first wild snake down here, thanks teddy.. i had nightmares last night that combined that with my bar prep studies.. so sad
-battle cockroach has been ongoing for over 2 weeks now. I think I've made progress but a few living ones still sneak up daily :(
-i've seen multiple bumper stickers referring to liberals as "not people" and "how do you like your change now"
-ive learned also from my studies you can marry your first cousins and adopted family members (this could explain a lot)
-theres no district courts down here.. its ACTUALLY county.
-after thunderstorms rather then the temp drastically dropping it shoots back up
-in the summer down there, the only comfortable time to take the dog for a walk is midnight
-you can indeed get sunburned after 4pm.. when its cloudy
-last but not least "ya'll" has accidentally slipped out.. riley's mom told me i'm already starting to pick it up and sound a little southern..which i refer to as sounding a little stupid.. must fight it.. Still haven't switched form damn to dang..
..and this is only north florida.. thank god i didn't move to alabama or something

now the dog is about to dive through the sliding glass door to get the critter out there.. oh boy.. life..

i need my other half back, or at least getting to talk to him would be nice.

2 weeks down, too many to go.

I should post in this more on my happy days too incase anyone reads this and thinks i just completely fail at life. next. time.

just over 2 weeks in to my first deployment its safe to say im still struggling mentally, but growing and now struggling physically. boo. damn you third floor apartment. I should have stuck with the tiny amount of groceries I had when I had to suddenly rush home for a failed skype date. Yup, right now im pretty sure I've sprained or strained my pelvic muscles. The initial burt of pain was the most pain I have ever felt Im pretty sure. I didnt think anything could top the pain of the separation of deployment but boy that sure did. If childbirth is anything like that... well i don't know. It's another one of those things where being alone in a new place, knowing who or if you have anyone to call is probably even scarier then the pain itself. I am thankful for beatrice for coming over to help me out!

Now I use up my strength taking the dog to pee. Sitting in one position feels amazing. However all I can think about is horrible things among those is "how much extra time will i be studying this week to make up for it??" Oh how I cannot wait till this dreadful test is over.  it really is one of those times where not having the man around the house REALLY stinks. Not that I need a man to take care of me, after all Im a woman!!! But to have someone else deal with bozo.. Not to mention the buggies. eww. must go complain about those tomorrow. I lost a battle with them too so now they must pay.

One battle I still think I face which if probably atleast partly my own fault for overthinking everything is sometimes I still feel like an option instead of a priority. Im thankful for all the time we do get to spend talking which I'm sure is more then most other couples going through this but its so hard to think about them having a free day and you sitting around waiting. (Normally I'd atleast try to find something to do but given my semi-immobility thats out for today) I know I probably look at it the wrong way but its difficult to overcome. Despite our history of being long distance, alot of this is still all new to me and Im struggling to learn the ways still. Im struggling with a constant emotional battle with myself. (having fieldhouse temper within me does not help in times like these) All I can say is be the next (and FINAL) deployment, I hope to be and should be a pro. Bring on homecoming!

its the little things

its the little things I think will get me through.

I am thankful for all my friends, and their support. especially my new friends who are going through the same experience. Also for my old friends who help me keep my chin up. I cant wait for more girls nights!! I also cant wait for company. (hint hint people form MA)

I am thankful for every text, chat, and chance to skype with my love.

And as crazy as my life is right now I am thankful for that and it keeping me busy. Its only 1pm and I feel quite accomplished today. finally starting to get my florida life in order, as well both of our lives.  ALMOST have my car ready to register down here. And apparently my bar prep agenda was wrong since today it told me "no assignments- memorial day" after I worked my tush off , but im glad to be on top of that too! Tomorrow im going to sign up to volunteer at the shelter :) Cant wait to play with little kitties and puppies!

Now i am much anticipating a wonderful skype date then perhaps reading/ nap by the pool.

If I may vent for a moment though, on things that suck to deal with when your alone. One I cannot set up new items of technology.. ps3 unconnected equals no movies for me. A chewed tv wire from the pup could have cost 4 dollars for someone who knew how to replace it but now, cost us $55. Better then they said but its one of those things I read about, hoped it wouldnt happen to us, but already did. sigh...

Oh well, life my not be ideal but its getting me by for now.. all i can say is by the time he gets home I will have the most cleanest most organized house ever... and then we'll be packing it up to move... atleast that is something else to look forward to!

Even on my weakest days....

...I get a little bit stronger

Deployment, I feel, is hands down the hardest thing a couple will ever have to go through. it takes strength courage and sacrifices on both sides to get through. I am so grateful to have the relationship that we do. While i know nothing about this is easy and nothing will truly make it easy I am lucky that riley has done everything he could do.

Before he left he was my shoulder to cry on and he wiped my tears. He was re-assuring and at most times comforting. Talking about everything we had to look forward to could usually put a smile on my face for I am so grateful for our future together. When i felt like i should be helping him prepare, he has there for me- cooking for me, and vacuuming and offering to do anything he could to help out right up till he day he left. He even helped me study for bar prep. I cannot say it enough how amazing he is, how lucky I am to have him in my life and how much I love him.

My emotions have been out of control. Ive felt anger, pain, heartache, moments of rage, loneliness, depression, resentment. Ive done my best to control them but I think the only thing you really can do is let love come before them all. sometimes its hard to remember that love, really is all that matters.

Sometimes it really feels like im trapped in a nightmare, and I just want to wake up and see him by my side. I dont know how long it will take to allow this to feel "normal" I feel like by the time it does, he will be coming home and we will be re-adjusting again. That re-adjustment I look forward to. for now im stuck dealing with escaping cats, glue-eating dogs, broke wires, oil changes, and poop scooping.

So has begun the nights of not sleeping, the hours of anticipating the moments when we get to talk; so begins my sole responsibility of caring for the dog, the kitties, the house, the cars, the bill paying; so begins a chapter in our relationship where we will grow stronger emotionally and appreciate each other more. I just have to keep telling myself that we can and ofcourse will get through this and be better and stronger because of it.

i love you riley minahan, and im counting the days till you are back at my side <3

Happy Last Day of Classes!

Everyday I think about what I want to write but with everything going on I just havent got to it.

Yesterday was my last day at the courthouse. It was a push to the end to get atleast the bulk of my memo complete to handover. My last day meeting with the judge was monday, and as soon as he found out riley was in the navy thats pretty much all he talked about since his son is also a petty officer second class AW and on his way to Jacksonville. It was a good chat though. Im sad ill be missing both sentencings but I will certainly keep in touch. As boring as it may have been some days, I was greatful for the experience to improve my legal writing.

Today Im suffering through my last 2 classes and then I get to go work at Kimballs. Ive actually really missed it there and cant wait to see everyone. I get to be there next week too. woohoo. WNEC certaintly is torterous on my last day though, hot and bothersome. awesome.

in other news the movers are coming in 8 days and though it doesnt seem like I have much left to pack I have SOOO much to do, gotta get rid of the stuff im selling and organize the stuff m donating and start to get a good cleaning in. I wanted to be done before finals mode began but with classwork, babysitting, doctors, vets, and confirmations coming up  anddd trying to get in my good byes its been kinda busy.  Im certainly getting nervous for the movers since on last contact they said 9am when its supposed to be 2pm considering i have a final in the morning, im getting nervous. I just hope the money and stress of using them pays off. not that i wanted to move all that. the dining room is half full and i can only lift maybe 3 out of all of the boxes Ive packed so far. Last night the unfun that will be unpacking really hit me, especially trying to organize everything, setting up the guest room, and getting everything settled before riley leaves. wahhh. luckily he has a long weekend right around when the movers should be getting here so that will help :)

All I can say is I am thankful for my family and all the help they have given me and continue to give me.

Despite the looming sadness of the "D" word, I am quite excited for my party to see EVERYONE friends and family alike and to enjoy grinnin barrett with all of them. And all the awesome pinkness. oh there will be tonss of pictures. It will be wierd though flying and not having to do work on the plane, hellp reading for fun (while i still can before bar prep)

Other things I am excited about asides from the obvious is seeing my cousin and her two beautiful babies this week, seeing angelina the diva kick butt at t-ball, and the fact that I will have a friend all summer since Ashley got a job in jax!! Super excited about that and visitors, i cant wait for visitors in our beautifully beach themes guest suite! I cant wait to go out and get things for it, including the guest book, guest calander, anddd the new bed set since it will be a queen size! Many pictures to come when its fully decorated!!


Photo memories of the post theme: forever friendship with my golden girls<3

look how we've grown

 Yes, well that about sums it up

..and this too.. love you girls!

I get Misty

Well I can honestly say I'm sick of waking up to cold and rain. I need to get to jax now. Its making me super depressed, and being depressed makes me think of being lonely with out riley. Cant wait to get to snuggle up with him.. in the AC, cause its in the 80s and 90s there now.

And speaking of being depressed.. I joined the vp45 loved ones group. And I made the mistake of looking through old discussions and old posts form last deployment. Last night it was ok, but when I went on it again this morning I was flooded with emotion. I just completely lost it as I pictured myself going through what they went through. And it made me scared that I wont be able to be there for the welcome home since the navy doesn't recognize me as "family". I think that scares me the most. :( So needless to say, so much for my productive morning. that consumed my energy and my thoughts.

My sadness was mixed with anger on my commute to school this morning. stupid traffic, for construction they weren't doing, considering its raining for the millionth day in a row. Grrr reason # 622 I cant wait to get out of western ma/ new england. 20 daysss... weird i remember when I started counting around 274

Oh life, your really killin me today. Need my snuggle buddy, but ill settle for a skype date :/

Nerves of Steel

I dont have them yet, but I sure could use them.  Everything is really happening very fast. Other things have come up that worry me but we're not going to talk about them and hope for the best. I was semi-productive today in going to grad fest, deal with student loans (woof!) and i packed one more box! woohoo! Im way over what I told the mover, but if there going to over charge me, I will make it worth my while- so I will keep packing my overweight boxes and dream about sipping cocktails as they lug it all up to the third floor. But im realllyy hoping they don't break/ lose anything. ill kill a b*tch.

My favorite part of the day though is always getting to see/ talk to my wonderful boyfriend. despite my level of sadness he made great efforts to cheer me up and get a smile back on my face. my favorite was his little picture song. if only all his tough guy navy friends could see just how much of a sweetie he can be some times. speaking of which he also said he was sending me an easter basket. lets see if he remembers (hint hint ;)  ).

well anyways I also decided with this thing I would do atleast one picture memory per post so here we go. Todays theme is summer '10

When Marcus was little and cute

Sweet shades from memorial day

My Irish sister, partner in crime and best friend.

dont know what i'd do with out her.

almost 20 years of friendship and memories. crazy.

love my golden girls <3

Jax Zoo in August. i <3 him

The other most adorable man in my life

one of our summer projects

Dutch.

T- 22 days and Counting

Well, Im sitting here after spending a better part of the weekend with friends and family, packing up my LAST apartment in chilly Massachusetts. I suppose as much as I hate to admit it, these is a few things I will miss about this place (asides from the obvious people). Like driving through the backroads in the fall when the leaves are changing color. However, Im a much happier person in the warm, sunshine, and the beach sand between my toes.

Our Hike up Mt. Tom

Evening walk on Neptune Beach <3

Im excited to start this next chapter of my life. Next month will be a whirlwind. I move to Florida and offically move in with the love of my life. I turn 25. I graduate from law school.. and I face my first deployment. I HATE that it happens almost as soon as I get down there, and I worry about alot of things that I've done my best not to think about like will I spend too much time wondering what he's doing? How often will we get to talk to each other? I know we've had lots of practice for this by almost always being apart but sometimes being limited to phone calls and skype dates gets sad :/


I guess the best thing to do is to try and be as positive as possible. I will get to put all my energy into studying for the bar, and I will be able to establish myself down there as an individual as well. Having to build up our relationship through mostly communication skills I think has definitely made us stronger as a couple. Despite him being a typical male at times, I appreciate our ability to connect and share things with each other. I know i'm getting kinda mushy but he really has become my best friend on top of being the love of my life. I really cant picture my life with out him. I cant wait to have "our family" all together and have all our furry little babies under the same roof (lets pray that goes well)


On top of being thankful for him, I am thankful for my wonderful friends and family, with whom I also could not have gotten through the last three years with out. I love being close to my family and I appreciate all they have done for me.