Deployment, I feel, is hands down the hardest thing a couple will ever have to go through. it takes strength courage and sacrifices on both sides to get through. I am so grateful to have the relationship that we do. While i know nothing about this is easy and nothing will truly make it easy I am lucky that riley has done everything he could do.
Before he left he was my shoulder to cry on and he wiped my tears. He was re-assuring and at most times comforting. Talking about everything we had to look forward to could usually put a smile on my face for I am so grateful for our future together. When i felt like i should be helping him prepare, he has there for me- cooking for me, and vacuuming and offering to do anything he could to help out right up till he day he left. He even helped me study for bar prep. I cannot say it enough how amazing he is, how lucky I am to have him in my life and how much I love him.
My emotions have been out of control. Ive felt anger, pain, heartache, moments of rage, loneliness, depression, resentment. Ive done my best to control them but I think the only thing you really can do is let love come before them all. sometimes its hard to remember that love, really is all that matters.
Sometimes it really feels like im trapped in a nightmare, and I just want to wake up and see him by my side. I dont know how long it will take to allow this to feel "normal" I feel like by the time it does, he will be coming home and we will be re-adjusting again. That re-adjustment I look forward to. for now im stuck dealing with escaping cats, glue-eating dogs, broke wires, oil changes, and poop scooping.
So has begun the nights of not sleeping, the hours of anticipating the moments when we get to talk; so begins my sole responsibility of caring for the dog, the kitties, the house, the cars, the bill paying; so begins a chapter in our relationship where we will grow stronger emotionally and appreciate each other more. I just have to keep telling myself that we can and ofcourse will get through this and be better and stronger because of it.
i love you riley minahan, and im counting the days till you are back at my side <3
Ryan and I spent a total of 14 months apart for two 7 month deployments to Iraq, one while I was alone in NC and pregnant. Although while it was absolutely gut wrenching not knowing he was safe and not hearing from him for weeks at a time, you'll see that your relationship with him will continue to grow. It's almost as if your life together is just on pause until he returns and then it resumes. Send him lots of goodies and packages since it keeps it fun and positive for both of you. The more optimistic you are about the whole situation, the easier it will be on him since it's tough for him to know he has to leave you alone. He has lots of stress and pressure at work so having you there with a smile will certainly help him. You'll shower with you phone and EVERY SINGLE TIME it rings you'll get butterflies. Hopefully you'll have skype and or at least communication than we did, 5 years ago. You'll both have those days where you are just so over being apart (and you thoroughly deserve them)...but you both know that the homecoming will be well worth the wait! :)
ReplyDeletethanks christa! its always good to hear from people who have gone through it. Skype has been a lifesaver! And Im alone (with some other wives ofcourse) in jacksonville. Im already looking forward to homecoming, it cant come soon enough!
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